Today I choose joy!
Christmas morning has just arrived and I am ready to go to bed. I needed some quiet time to reflect and mentally settle my mind for sleep. It's been a very very busy few days. I love the season, I love the crowds in the stores, I love the music, and of course I love seeing the little ones with anticipation in their eyes. As I watched them this evening proudly wearing festive holiday dresses and shirts, an overwhelming sense of sadness settled in my heart. It has been so long since ours were children and now even the grandchildren are all nearing adulthood. Oh my, how did this happen? It is the order of life as it should be. Oh but I do miss preparation for the little ones' Christmas.
A few minutes of quiet solitude and I am at peace. I'm not in the throws of exhaustion as I remember this time in past years. Yesterday was very busy, yet I was able to pace my activities and enjoy some special time with my 93 year old stepfather. We had a Christmas Eve tradition of shopping. I always went with him to find that special gift my mother might have on her wish list. We only missed two or three seasons out of 33 years of their marriage. Today I sat with him and wrote out checks inserting them in cards for him to sign. Afterward he commented that it was much easier to shop this way. We laughed and his memory sparked some rare clarity. I can equate the joy from those minutes to the same joy of children at Christmas.
Tonight I was fretting over some little things I failed to purchase. I'll survive and so will everyone else without those little things. In a few hours, family and friends will arrive for a Christmas dinner and more will come later for dessert. If I could carry a tune, I might just make a joyful noise. I don't think others in the house would appreciate awakening to that!
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