I choose not to participate

Cedar fever! It is real. Strangely enough, the plant we call Mountain Cedar is actually a prolific species of juniper causing all the sneezing, coughing,  headachy, eye watery misery. I suffered with it the first New Year’s Eve we were in Texas hill country, but over the years symptoms have abated. I think my indulgence in local honey has helped or perhaps I simply developed a tolerance. 

It’s quite a spectacle when the dark colored evergreens begin their aggressive season of bloom. The berries explode in a flurry, emitting a fog of pollen. Newcomers often call the fire department reporting a fire on the hillside.

I’m told the best way to avoid symptoms is avoidance of the outdoor air. Now that is a plan I cannot abide. With temperatures in the mid seventies and a sunny beautiful day, I am so glad my body no longer fights this battle. 

Purity

A purchase of an iron stunned my instincts recently. The instructions advised that “never, ever should distilled” water be used in my expensive new steam producing, raise itself, hot iron. Visions of an iron loaded with impure water collecting filth to spew out on my new white (always a white one) shirt, when the steam function was activated! I was confused and discussed at length with dancing girl. Of course she suggested we research and get to the bottom, before accepting blindly, of this newfound theory!

Our research revealed that water traveling across metal will either deposit minerals on the surface or extract minerals from within the metals. Over time, fissures in the surface will cause cracking and lead to leaks if the pure water is pulling from the lining meant to contain it. Revelation! Now we understand why her iron, having never been exposed to tap water but “pampered with pure distilled water”, has now sprung a growing leak!

My morning musings have now applied the rather trivial observation above, to my inner thoughts about a belief system guided by my faith. To prevent the spitting or spewing that might occur if tap water is overly hard, I read that good quality bottled “drinking” water should be used. In other words absolute puritanical thoughts may generate more harm than good for my spirit. Let me decant that, allowing air to infuse this thought to lighten its impact. 

I will not avoid those with whom I do not agree philosophically. If bad behavior is offensive to me, I will not adapt to it by joining in the action, but love the actor. Jesus came to save the world from SIN, not from sinners! This world does not require that I am distilled. I need a few minerals to smooth my abrasive spirit and nurture my path!

Can I see clearly now?

Vision! I am working to view my plan for the new year. Other than my own mind, decluttering will need to be postponed. "F" words are my focus! I have heard that absurd obscenity sprinkled through so many conversations that my ears feel fried in dirty pig fat! These are MY words:
     Faith
     Family
     Finance
     Friendship
     Fun
Other words with same First letter come to mind, but I am not talking about aphorisms blurted out as expletives. I want words that inspire, positive words! I will not allow my mind to be filled with the clutter that brings Frustration. If my Faith can be encouraged to Flourish, my clarity of Focus will be evident. My Family can Freely interact where love abides. My Finances will Flow as my labor is Fruitful. My Friendships will Fill my heart with joy. The result of Fortunate choices will be Fun.

I AM learning.

Aging Disgracefully

Earlier this month  I celebrated a milestone birthday.  As I advance into a new decade of living, I choose to ignore the number associated. After all, many fail to make this much progress in years. I struggle constantly with technology. I refuse to accept that it possibly has passed me by.  The newer large font size is a testament, that I can still see clearly, but just don't want to squint. 

I thrive in chaos I suppose.  I am now the sole owner of two companies. My son runs both and has accepted the weight of responsibility I have dumped on his shoulders. 

I really just want to sew! I am adapting my dining room to serve as my sewing space.  The china hutch will soon be filled with colorful swatches of fabric. I no longer need to store china and crystal...but what to do with it?.?!  I could sell it or donate it, but for now it is packed and stored in a garage cabinet.

I suspect Ol' Abner would not be surprised by any of this, but I can almost hear him gritting his teeth, saying "Now what!".

I am Back

Has it really been over a year since I have felt like spouting my thoughts, opinions, concerns and frustrations?  Clearly the blank spaces and my search to figure out how to even log into this blog would confirm that truth. Widowing has kept me much busier than I could have imagined. Living in a home with lots of manly toys requiring care and maintenance has provided some serious challenges.  My sprinkler system is still not functional, but I'll have to tell you about that later.

My children have adapted to having only one parent now, although they sadly remind me occasionally that Dad would have  taken care of that issue with little effort. One child suffered through a mid-life crisis, changed jobs, then asked me to form a company with him.  It wasn't enough trauma to have watched a dog die just before losing one's own father, then a terrible accident totally destroying the most favored vehicle of all time, a marriage that just fizzled in the midst of personal wilderness, followed by the sale of the house that made him feel that he had "arrived". I had to write that all in one long sentence because I choose to discuss it no further.

The other child boldly confronts health issues as she goes about her busy life.  She provided me with three grandchildren and all have left the nest now.  She and spouse are celebrating the empty nest by moving to a new nest. Convinced that they have evolved from the hands-on parenting habit into re-creating a house built soon after they were born. Both habits spring from hope to develop an end product that will never really end.

I checked one bucket list trip off my list with journey to Israel early this summer and I am considering embarking on another trip next year. That is still up in the air.

About the company I was asked to form with my son. He is working really hard and the company may show a real profit soon.  Meanwhile he has fallen in love, and she brought along two dogs.  The jury is still out on the critters, but the girl is delightful.

Peace In, Nachoed out!

Yesterday we marked Ol' Abner's passing, It was one year and a day ago.  I had anticipated the approaching date with a bit of dread until a friend's comment surfaced in my memory. We needed to go find those Ten Pound Can nachos he had so craved. As a crowd of forty or more friends gathered at the place he had only seen from afar, we enjoyed being up close and personal with all four versions of those Ten Pound Cans of nachos! I sat on a bench and munched, strolled around the room visiting and sharing memories with many who loved this man. Today, I am feeling very much at peace in my sweet solitude.

Widowing

It is a verb with a number of synonyms! Running, hurrying, reversing, notifying, accepting, removing, weeping, laughing, sorting...and the list continues as I widow! I never aspired to participate in this process. It is a lonely journey. No one can travel this path for me.  Waking in the morning to reach over to touch a scruff covered cheek and feeling an empty pillow instead, no longer startles me. A year ago I knew this might soon be my future. Still I struggle to widow.  How does one widow well? There is a certain joy in knowledge that the other verb, marry, was accomplished or perhaps survived, celebrated and endured. It seems strange to no longer be half of a pair. A certain freedom comes with time that is only mine. No one must agree with any plan I might choose.