Widowing

It is a verb with a number of synonyms! Running, hurrying, reversing, notifying, accepting, removing, weeping, laughing, sorting...and the list continues as I widow! I never aspired to participate in this process. It is a lonely journey. No one can travel this path for me.  Waking in the morning to reach over to touch a scruff covered cheek and feeling an empty pillow instead, no longer startles me. A year ago I knew this might soon be my future. Still I struggle to widow.  How does one widow well? There is a certain joy in knowledge that the other verb, marry, was accomplished or perhaps survived, celebrated and endured. It seems strange to no longer be half of a pair. A certain freedom comes with time that is only mine. No one must agree with any plan I might choose.