New Year...New Hopes!

I'm really glad we're finished with 2012!  You could say it was a wonderful year, and perhaps that's how it should be remembered.  My brutally honest self, however must be reminded that the fun and thrills were not as evident as this final outcome for the year would indicate.  Yes! We are Texas residents again.  No place has ever quite felt like home except Texas, anywhere in Texas, and yes we have lived in most parts of Texas.

That said, I will put a few traumas to rest here and now.  The long drawn out move took it's toll on Ol' Abner's health and my attitude.  While we are ever so glad to drive 45 minutes on a freeway to the farthest medical appointment, the good relationship with doctors and dentists hasn't yet gelled for him.

The house we found with  a "view of Lake Travis" is actually a view of the bed of the Colorado Riverbed.  Three years of drought accompanied by forced release of water to the rice-growers downstream has made our beautiful lake a thin stream of water connecting tiny pools getting shallower daily.

The house, oh yes the house, it's small...actually downright tiny.  During the move we passed along rooms full of furniture and "stuff" to friends, family and charitable organizations.  It felt good to purge, but on arrival, the scary realization that we should have purged so much more.  I like the house with it's big windows and feel of openness.  If I could only open it out by a few hundred extra feet and I do miss my high ceilings.  Nine foot ceilings seem so low after twelve, fourteen, and even a sixteen foot ceiling.  We really didn't think we needed those huge closets...Yep we did!

The extra lot in the back of the property to perfectly accommodate the manly garage/playhouse has been cleared of the scroungy cedar trees and that's about all there is to tell about that.  There is a building boom in central Texas, and our little job entices few takers.  Son brought out his bulldozer and backhoe to make the site ready for building just after we moved in.  I envisioned wonderful storage for all the containers stacked in the garage, a bathroom to keep dirty hands from keeping my back door in constant need of a scrubbing, and better yet the beginning of beautiful landscaping for the back of the property.

It's been wonderful seeing old friends now living within an easy drive to visit.  New friends have begun to evolve from acquaintances in our new surroundings.  With any move, though, we must accept the longing to visit with close friends we left behind.  I hope for a trip to the Ozarks soon!

ZZZZZZ zen?

Relax and enjoy!  That's the spirit for the rest of the holiday season.  Fort Worth is one of my favorite places to indulge the holiday senses.  I love Sundance Square with all the festive decorations and the lights at night.  This year construction is all around the cental square and the TREE...oh the poor treeee!  Rumor has it that some damage delayed it's arrival, then efforts to "repair" it left gaps not evident at night. During the day, the big bare places show and now those dismembered, reattached branches are dying.  Oh dear!  I just cannot bear to look!

We'll go east to the other side of the metroplex today to indulge a bit of Christmas spirit with daughter and her family.  Son and Daughter-in-Law made the trek North with us last night.  Traffic was awful but no road rage was erupting from either of our vehicles.  The trip may have taken an extra hour but we were none the worse for it.  Calm...that's the mood for this season.  Yep, we'll just relax and enjoy!

Chance?

I suppose it's time to go to "page 2" of the Mayan calendar.  One could wonder if that second page is hidden in the depths of a lost cave, perhaps along with the third and subsequent pages.  I've laughed and often been horrified at the serious speculative planning for the "end of the world".  My favorite comparison was a side by side photo of the calendar and an Oreo cookie.  Some clever soul determined that the Oreo stamping instructed us to Be Happy, Don't Worry...or You have nothing to fear.  My family has always suffered a fondness for this simple cookie. It's been a difficult month and focusing on the ridiculous has provided a bridge over the hectic painful days.

Dysfunction as a normal state is not pleasant.  Awful events in the news, plans at home seeming to run awry daily, items ordered and lost in transit, treasures stored so well as never to be found and a general feeling of unrest have dampened my joy.  Christmas decorations are displayed and outdoor lights are hung around the eaves of the house.  It looks festive, but under it all lies chaos.

Yesterday I strolled into a coffee shop in the neighborhood and was greeted warmly by the proprietor.  She whipped up my order with a smile and a bit of lively conversation.  I left with my warm latte and scone feeling much lighter.  The remainder of the day progressed smoothly and all my planned errands were completed easily.

This morning the urge to repeat the treat to my tastebuds was strong.  The barista greeted me with a smile and asked if I'd like my same order repeated.  She called each customer coming in by name and offered to whip up their usual morning beverage.  As she chattered away and produced wonderful aromas I talked with other customers.  It's a happening place and my sense of comfort seemed to be shared by those awaiting their order.

Next stop was the post office where I was told my long lost package was on the carriers delivery today.  Oh glory be!  A call from Ol' Abner confirmed the delivery of the package as I pulled out of the parking lot.  The package had been damaged and rewrapped.  My heart sank.  Back home, I looked at the shambles of the wrapping.  Strangely, none of the contents evidenced a trace of damage.  Relieved, no...thrilled at this twist, I headed for the mall to finish my last bit of shopping.  A full parking lot with cars circling frantically for an empty berth would normally be reason enough to turn around and go home.  I drove the first row of cars slowly almost passing a car backing out.  My car was just far enough to need to reverse if I wanted the parking spot.  Another car was a distance behind that I could have forced the issue, but for some reason I felt like being polite. I smiled as she waved after I moved forward allowing her to park.  A lady with a load of shopping bags met me at the end of the lane and motioned to me.  She told me she was about to leave and if I would circle around she would wait to get in her car until I could return.  My benefactor had provided me with a spot at the end of the row directly in front of the store entrance.  Every crowded store had an open cashier just as I approached with my purchases.  Two items on my list were the last on the shelf when I arrived to collect them.

I may stop in for another latte tomorrow!

Winter of Life

I always love the winter holidays.  From the candy dispensing of Halloween, on to the feasting in November, followed by the National Day of Shopping.  By the first week of December, I'm filled with spirit and joy and ready to hang the garlands and drape the tree.  Addressing Christmas cards by hand and including little personal missives makes me feel like I'm visiting with friends and relatives not seen in years.  Oh yes, this is a joyful time of year and I'm not anxious to see it over.  We'll soon celebrate Christmas, plan to ring in the  New Year, then love a little Valentine treat.  I'll be ready to start looking forward to spring!

Throughout the year, we remember birthdays that arrive during all seasons.  Just before we arrived at winter, Ol' Abner's mother marked her 85th birthday.  She was in "Memory Lane", the Alzheimer's unit of a nursing home.  We tried to have flowers delivered to her, but were told that leaving them in the room was not allowed as some of her "guests" often ate anything colorful.  A telephone conversation was very unsatisfying as she had difficulty talking.  Her breath was ragged and I could barely hear her whispered words.  She seemed to be in pain.  This would be her last birthday.  Our niece notified us that it was time to move her to hospice when she was hospitalized in respiratory distress.  We visited on Saturday, and said our goodbyes.  It was clear that life was slipping from her.  On Sunday, with two of her granddaughters and her eldest grandson present, she quietly passed away.

Ol' Abner was her firstborn and by law is responsible for final decisions.  Unwilling to make decisions alone, he proceeded to try to reach his three younger brothers.  The oldest granddaughter had been the primary caretaker for the last three years and he was so grateful for her input as he completed paperwork and gave necessary permissions.  She and the oldest grandson took charge of planning the memorial service. I helped with calls to other family members.

Memories of many years have been revisited by telephone these last few days.  We will honor her life with a celebration this weekend.  I will rearrange the results of the Christmas decorating to dig through some boxes and albums to find pictures of the feisty little woman who gave birth to the love of my life.

Perceptions

Moving to a new area brings exciting new places to explore, shop and visit.  New friends open our eyes and hearts as we choose to know them better.  Yesterday one of our neighbors hosted an intimate little afternoon gathering for just this purpose.  It was our first chance to talk at length with either of them.  A brief introduction followed by an occasional wave as we walked our dogs along the streets was the extent of previous encounters.  The previous occupants of our home were there.  They too,  are dealing with the challenges of down-sizing a household.  This home that seems so tiny to us was the "big one" from which they moved.  She laments the "large closets" that seem so cramped to me.  Many of the things we love about this house are the very same things they miss.  He mentioned the view from the breakfast area windows with heavy nostalgia.  They miss watching the deer frolic in the yard early in the morning.  It's early this morning and still dark outside.  I wonder if the view of the twinkling lights across the hills stirred their spirit in the night.   We discussed our plans to finish the big-boy-playhouse and addition of a pool beside it.  Landscaping challenges unique to the hill country were compared and we indulged in our host's beautiful back yard.  Sitting beside the pool on the patio overlooking the outdoor fireplace with treetops just over the fence, it was hard to imagine any neighbors nearby.  That is, until the siren from the fire station erupted just over a block away.  No view of the emergency vehicles interrupted the serenity, but the sound had broken the spell.

Lively Colors

At times I'm caught up in the daily details of life and overlook some of it's glory.  After months of political bombardment by the media, personal discussions and general unrest in the nation; the election finally was completed and we can get back to day to day life with one uncertainty resolved.  Now the media has a new story to chase and I find myself sickened by the news I hear everywhere.  It sort of makes me want to disconnect all news and find a quiet cave somewhere.

Health issues suffered by the men in my life are a constant concern.  Driving Papa to the Ozarks to spend the next couple of months with Brother and Sis-In-Law was a reminder of his fragile health and fading mental state.  A stop to overnight with a cousin demonstrated to this leg of the family that he is effectively gone from them.  Descendents from his only sister remembered the "Unk" who was always their hero.  Some old photos were passed around and his eyes were interested but failed to recognize any of the occupants posed. One photo included a proud soldier in uniform with a pretty young woman, Papa with his first wife, soon after their marriage.  He did not recognize either or remember seeing the picture.

View from screened porch

Ol' Abner did not accompany us to the Ozarks.  He traveled as far as the Arkansas Capitol City to finish his dental work.  On that visit, he arranged to transfer all his medical care to Texas.  Access to oxygen delivery is critical to his well being.  An appointment was scheduled in our new area to begin that process, and it conflicted with the planned trip to Dogpatch.

Arrival on the mountain where we lived for several years, was a joy to  my eyes.  As we crossed the Arkansas River before beginning the ascent into the mountains, I advised Papa to look closely at the foliage.  In the past, when it was in full glory there, the leaves in Dogpatch were pretty much gone.   I was thrilled to see the fall colors in full bloom throughout our journey.

A peace   enveloped my spirit when I ventured onto the screened porch of our former home on the mountain.  Something about  sitting in the treetops looking at a sunrise brings joy to my spirit. On the solitary drive home my reverie was one of gratitude for so many of the day to day blessings I enjoy.  Sadness at changes that are  predictable will not be indulged.  I will take joy in the unexpected flashes of glorious color   expected  to be long gone!      

Front yard foliage in our "former" home

Slowly Fading

We have Papa here for a few days.  At 92, with the 93rd birthday approaching, he is more childlike than ever.  When a couple of months pass between visits with him, the mental deterioration is evident.  We had lunch with Sis and Brother in Law earlier this week and retrieved Papa in the process.  He willingly uses the walker that was anathema just a year ago.  He always asks us to simply order for him at a restaurant and gets lost going from one room to the next.  Still, he is ever cheerful and appreciative of our care.

It's painful when he cannot remember many of the good times of the past.  When we discuss events from a decade or more before, he will look with a bit of a blank stare, and then pretend to remember if prompted.  He didn't recognize Son, but when introduced, he seemed to remember the person who now had little resemblance to the youngest grandson buried in his memory.  After a few moments of quiet conversation, the spark seemed to ignite.  Last night he was familiar with Son and Daughter in Law.

Sis and Brother in Law have spent many hours over the last month with photos and talks reminding him of his long and fruitful life.  I had hung pictures we brought from his home at the lake in the bedroom where he now sleeps.  Upon his arrival, I escorted him back to become acquainted with the place where he will sleep for the next week.  He stared a long time at the portraits of his three children and families, one of my mother with him when they were first married, and another taken on a trip with all the adult children after she was gone.  On another wall he looked at some landscape photos taken on the shore and grounds of the home he enjoyed for nearly fifty years.  We talked about the pictures and he interacted a little, but I cannot be sure if he was remembering or humoring me.  Sister is sure he remembers the things she discusses with him, I guess I'm not so lucky.