New

I have been revived. New visions evolve daily for me.  I have determined it is time to re-enter adolescence. There is a lightness within my heart that I never found through my efforts last year. Last week’s visitors noticed something new in me. It was a lovely revelation. I indulge today in a newfound sense of  hope, choosing to irresponsibly move forward. Fear of being judged by others holds no concern, I’m doing a “new thing” here. Yes, that is Biblical. From the wilderness in my frail mind, Wild Wayne the wonder boy, steps up over and over pointing out a powerful goodness in me, the youthful joy coming back to life. 

Daylight Comes

 I have survived the first quarter of this year, at times to my dismay! I still struggle with personal grief as I am lifted up a moment later with hope. The special blessing of an “old friend” newly offering wisdom and love has me pondering on better possibilities. A recent visit to the ancestral home of my mother has awakened a new sense of my place in today’s crazy world. Playing word blitz games with Silver Tongue, the Cousin, has taught me it’s ok to stay up all night to play silly games on my phone. I am wide awake at three in the morning indulging in a hot beverage at my kitchen table. Anticipation of a new grandchild coupled with a visit from my eldest grandchild with his wife makes me grin! 

After many months of solitude, constant visitors to my home have welcomed me back to a world of hospitality. Every guest has provided insight I would not have gained on my own. Timing and constancy have filled my heart with love and laughter. Again this feels like the home I have loved for many years. Without Ol’ Abner’s brutal honesty, I have been faced with frightening dilemmas without clear solutions. One day at a time, my guests come and go, each offering an additional level of peace in my heart.

A baby shower in the coming weekend has raised additional questions of decorum.  We are in a very different time. I have learned that “the way it has been done before” may not be appropriate for now. I struggle with personal decisions and needs, realizing new possibilities are so exciting! Wait! Did I say exciting, Why yes, yes I did! Moirés of bygone days are abandoned for tomorrow’s traditions!

Seasonal

Last week I reveled in bright sunshine,  temperatures in high seventies low eighties. This morning the outdoor thermometer registers twenty four degrees. My crankiness lives in the midst of this chill. I slogged around the house, logged in to the internet and proceeded to pay a few bills. Perhaps I might be accused of indulging in a “pity” party. It is no party! 

I wonder what this new year will bring.  Limiting activities that require many hours of my time don’t really change my outlook. Every task requires time pushing buttons to receive a robotic response that makes no sense at all. It appears I have aged out of my season of productivity!

Twenty Twenty Won?

 Only a dozen days left in this year, and quite frankly I am glad! As I hear horrors of the third variant of a pandemic, I yearn for it to truly begone! I cannot will it so, it may never end completely. I am told this last variant has less resemblance to impending lung failure than a common cold. We all know the common cold will never go away! I don’t have to like it, but in it’s commonality I can accept and manage it in the usual ways.

I choose to indulge in the joy of a scaled back holiday. In Texas Hill Country, I can still enjoy bright sunshine through my kitchen windows often. In fact, daytime temperatures have bounced from the forties to a couple of days later, climbing into sunny eighty degrees. Oh how I love that warmth! Most people still sport masks at large indoor gatherings. On my street, neighbors gather for shared dinners and cheer! One couple has led the way to host “dinner in the hood” often. We laugh and discuss events, history, hopes and dreams. I am grateful to be in the midst of these wonderful people. I am reminded of a recent sermon advising that we “love our neighbor”! What’s not to love about these neighbors!? I have truly been blessed in 2021!

I can hope 2022 brings far away family back into more personal space. For now, I will be at peace with mail, telephone and text visits.

I Should Have Seen it Coming

 I just landed smack dab into the end of the third quarter of this year. We are gradually returning to a very few privileges I always took for granted. Constant presence of a mask to put over my face as I enter a building, requesting permission to enter a friends home without wearing it, watching the calendar to determine timing of additional vaccine acceptance, hoping to add my flue shot without conflict. Now that was one long sentence! 

It feels more like I have been “sentenced” to never ending isolation. A few precautions relaxed briefly, are now accepted as an ongoing necessity. A table set for eight previously, now will only seat three or four properly distanced dining companions. A medical appointment includes a temperature check before masked entrance is permitted. I cannot say it is a bad thing to wash our hands often, but who cleans the tops of the hand sanitizer bottles positioned publicly.  I prefer to carry my own small individual bottle. 

This is our new world life. Times change but I will adapt.

2020 Hindsight

One of the worst years I can ever remember is now well behind me. I could provide a list of miseries endured, but that would be rather silly. Everyone I know can share a similarly eventful year. I am not alone in my relief that it is over...or is it! A full quarter of 2021 is crossed off the calendar. I still carry a supply of masks and disinfecting wipes at all times. People we lost far too soon are still gone. Restaurant dining is no longer common. In fact some of my favorite restaurants are gone forever. Meeting in person is still an unusual event. A visit to cheer a hospitalized friend is still taboo. 

Yes, I can see clearly now, at least from eyes without corrective lenses. Surgical removal of cataracts and astigmatism correction allows for reading fine print and street signs easily. Never bothered by bright sunlight, I now appreciate my sunglasses. Appropriately that was in the last week of 2020. Choosing to find joy in all things, and there it is!

Slippery Slopes

I am dealing with a new level of melancholy today. It's not the "Monday, Monday" kind of sadness, but more along the line of "If Tomorrow Never Comes".  Dealing with daily challenges is losing the satisfaction of completion, and I find myself procrastinating often. The holiday season is fast approaching.  I normally would be contemplating Christmas gifts for family and friends, making some of those special gifts and planning events.  None of that holds much promise in the midst of a pandemic. Seasonal parties and family gatherings must be limited in attendance and every precaution must be taken to prevent spread of the dreadful disease.  Prognosticators now are telling us the mask wearing will probably be a permanent condition. That doesn't bother me at all, the mindset that accompanies it, does.  I miss my masked man, at the same time I am truly glad he does not have to endure the constant concern that a weakened immune system would cause for him.  It appears Christmas will be "endured" via zoom or some other video group gathering.  That plan creates an emptiness in my heart that trembles all the way up my spine.  We may never again see the joyful, loving holiday celebrations. If all this personal stress is not enough, we suffer through constant political unrest.  A contentious presidential election flanked by all federal level ballot choices makes my email blow up daily, my phone rings constantly wanting me to participate in a poll or donate some money somewhere in dire need of financial support.  Both sides are needy and vicious. My own family cannot agree on the proper solution, so we must remain silent when in the company of one another. This afternoon a foundation repair company is coming to our rented office to determine the best way to stop the foundation of the building from sliding into that beautiful creek that runs behind us. Now there is an issue I can certainly surrender to someone else. Perhaps I can just sit back and allow the owner of our property to decide how to deal with this. I shall watch from behind my mask, needing to offer no suggestion for resolution. It makes me smile!