END IT TO BEGIN

 This might have been called the never ending month. I think this is really the final day of July. I don’t think I planned it this way, but July has always lasted 31 days. Each sunrise to sunset, often overlapping moon rise to moon setting  perfectly synchronized to complete a 31 day month. Tomorrow begins in the middle of tonight in perfect order to begin a new month of 31 days, it will be August. I choose to put aside concerns over nesting squirrels, where they were not welcomed. On the third attempt to prevent them from nesting and thriving in the ceiling of our playhouse, I agreed they must eradicated instead of relocated. I have visited the two thousand square foot playhouse behind my personal living space every day this month. No sounds from scampering chattering squirrels, no evidence of new nests. Later today I will authorize completion of the agreed payment to make them gone for a full year! Guarantees are like that; they are not forever!

MATTER

 There will come a time when nothing said seems to be heard or matters if coming from my mouth. Perhaps it is time to face irrelevance of the old girl’s opinions. Oh wait! I have joined the elderly girl stage. Somehow I thought a wide array of experiences might be of value. In fact I have been told often that a comment or observation, offered in casual friendly conversation, was offensive to someone I barely knew. I do believe words matter, especially in the presence of small children. I sometimes bring self deprecating descriptions into light conversation. I must learn to remain silent in a group, or keep my thoughts to myself. Wisdom is not a skill necessarily noticed with age. 

My mother pointed out as she approached her maturity “If I don’t mind, you can’t make it matter”!

I suppose what really matters is attitude. Mine is hard to hide!

Older,

 Personal Struggles (it’s technical, AI robot) 

Aging at its best is not easy, but has presented many unanticipated challenges. I have spent days attempting to add to this blog, finding the simple font I like, still not accomplished. It will happen unexpectedly one day I’m sure. Pray that I don’t delete yet another post as I search for an easy reading for my aging eyes.

Arthritic hands have brought difficulty for handwritten journaling. Constant tapping on a device and my painful finger joints are diagnosed by my physician as “Trigger Finger”!  I must remember not to mention that malady while searching through passcodes stored on a device, while at my bank. 

All appointments stored on devices with how many calendars???? This old human can only be in one place at a time. I really do appreciate the offer to send me an alert when it is necessary to leave for an on-time arrival. Yesterday, a confirmed appointment some how managed to send me on my way with an alert to leave soon from home at the time that I should have been arriving. I will retain the hand written card with time and date clearly written to verify the time to arrive. 

I have oft been told this is the ways things must be done, now. People my grandchildren’s age find it simpler in all actions. Perhaps that might explain how a few have managed to brand me as incapable and suffering self inflicted dementia. 

Dreading

 My mother would have marked  ninety-nine years  of life today. Wildflowers always bring joyful memories of her favorite season. Knowing her diagnosis would end her days quickly, she set her family and friends thinking a completely different way. She had always feared a death in a fiery car crash, with the consequences and loose ends left for her surviving family. She had the answer to that question … “How will my life end”! She became the queen holding court in her last days.  Her brother  and his sweet wife welcomed all she wished to see as they visited to love and reminisce with her. She allowed us to participate in her final party, and a party it became! Always I will be so grateful to my Aunt and Uncle for giving her such special times with so many. Yes, she was born 99 years ago today. The wildflowers remind me that she lived a life I can still celebrate!

SPARKLE when you can

 Many years ago I pierced my ears using an ice cube to deaden the lobes. Punching the needle through my frozen earlobes into a cork left me wondering if my brain had been uncorked. Surprisingly, no infection followed and for several months I sported a variety of studs in my ears. A sensitivity to something in bejeweled fobs caused an infection and I eventually gave up and let the piercings close. A couple of additional attempts to succeed finally ended in frustration a couple of decades ago. 

New metals with less propensity to irritate sensitive skin as well as an adolescent desire to sport fashionable adornment landed me in a local salon to have them pierced professionally. No corks or ice, no clothespins, and no detours between entrance and exit portals.

It will require six weeks of healing,turning, and regular cleaning. Then I will be able to wear light weight simple studs for a few months. My goal is to progress to small dangle ear fobs, but I wonder if those lovely sparkly hoops will ever comfortably dangle  on either side of my face. I’ll let you know.

New

I have been revived. New visions evolve daily for me.  I have determined it is time to re-enter adolescence. There is a lightness within my heart that I never found through my efforts last year. Last week’s visitors noticed something new in me. It was a lovely revelation. I indulge today in a newfound sense of  hope, choosing to irresponsibly move forward. Fear of being judged by others holds no concern, I’m doing a “new thing” here. Yes, that is Biblical. From the wilderness in my frail mind, Wild Wayne the wonder boy, steps up over and over pointing out a powerful goodness in me, the youthful joy coming back to life. 

Daylight Comes

 I have survived the first quarter of this year, at times to my dismay! I still struggle with personal grief as I am lifted up a moment later with hope. The special blessing of an “old friend” newly offering wisdom and love has me pondering on better possibilities. A recent visit to the ancestral home of my mother has awakened a new sense of my place in today’s crazy world. Playing word blitz games with Silver Tongue, the Cousin, has taught me it’s ok to stay up all night to play silly games on my phone. I am wide awake at three in the morning indulging in a hot beverage at my kitchen table. Anticipation of a new grandchild coupled with a visit from my eldest grandchild with his wife makes me grin! 

After many months of solitude, constant visitors to my home have welcomed me back to a world of hospitality. Every guest has provided insight I would not have gained on my own. Timing and constancy have filled my heart with love and laughter. Again this feels like the home I have loved for many years. Without Ol’ Abner’s brutal honesty, I have been faced with frightening dilemmas without clear solutions. One day at a time, my guests come and go, each offering an additional level of peace in my heart.

A baby shower in the coming weekend has raised additional questions of decorum.  We are in a very different time. I have learned that “the way it has been done before” may not be appropriate for now. I struggle with personal decisions and needs, realizing new possibilities are so exciting! Wait! Did I say exciting, Why yes, yes I did! Moirés of bygone days are abandoned for tomorrow’s traditions!